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It is impossible to keep a straight face in the presence of one or more kittens. --Cynthia E. Varnado

In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him. --Dereke Bruce

There are few things in life more heartwarming than to be welcomed by a cat. --Tay Hohoff

If cats could talk, they wouldn't. --Nan Porter

There are two means of refuge from the misery of life - music and cats. --Albert Schweitzer

A catless writer is almost inconceivable.  It's a perverse taste, really, since it would be easier to write with a herd of buffalo in the room than even one cat; they make nests in the notes and bite the end of the pen and walk on the typewriter keys. --Barbara Holland

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. --Mark Twain

Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. --Joseph Wood Krutch

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. --Doug Larson

There is something about the presence of a cat... that seems to take the bite out of being alone. --Louis J. Camuti

As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. --Ellen Perry Berkeley

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer. --Paula Poundstone

Cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit that will cause most inconvenience. --Pam Brown

After scolding one's cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word.  And has filed it for reference. --Charlotte Gray

A cat can be trusted to purr when she is pleased, which is more than can be said for human beings. --William Ralph Inge

The reason cats climb is so that they can look down on almost every other animal - it's also the reason they hate birds. --K.C. Buffington

A cat is an example of sophistication minus civilization. --Author Unknown

There has never been a cat
Who couldn't calm me down
By walking slowly
Past my chair.
--Rod McKuen

Your cat will never threaten your popularity by barking at three in the morning.  He won't attack the mailman or eat the drapes, although he may climb the drapes to see how the room looks from the ceiling. --Helen Powers

Cats do care.  For example they know instinctively what time we have to be at work in the morning and they wake us up twenty minutes before the alarm goes off. --Michael Nelson

When I play with my cat, who knows if I am not a pastime to her more than she is to me? --Michel de Montaigne, Essays, 1580

Kittens are born with their eyes shut.  They open them in about six days, take a look around, then close them again for the better part of their lives. --Stephen Baker

I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult.  It's not.  Mine had me trained in two days. --Bill Dana

If there is one spot of sun spilling onto the floor, a cat will find it and soak it up. --J.A. McIntosh

No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch. --Leo Dworken

It doesn't do to be sentimental about cats; the best ones don't respect you for it. --Susan Howatch

A dog, I have always said, is prose; a cat is a poem. --Jean Burden

The cat is the only animal without visible means of support who still manages to find a living in the city. --Carl van Vechten

There's no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat. --Wesley Bates

If the pull of the outside world is strong, there is also a pull towards the human.  The cat may disappear on its own errands, but sooner or later, it returns once again for a little while, to greet us with its own type of love. --Lloyd Alexander

One is never sure, watching two cats washing each other, whether it's affection, the taste, or a trial run for the jugular. --Helen Thomson

I believe cats to be spirits come to earth.  A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming through. --Jules Verne

A cat pours his body on the floor like water. --William Lyon Phelps

There is no more intrepid explorer than a kitten. --Jules Champfleury

A cat improves the garden wall in sunshine, and the hearth in foul weather. --Judith Merkle Riley

A cat's got her own opinion of human beings.  She don't say much, but you can tell enough to make you anxious not to hear the whole of it. --Jerome K. Jerome

I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat. --Edgar Allan Poe

The cat seldom interferes with other people's rights.  His intelligence keeps him from doing many of the fool things that complicate life. --Carl Van Vechten

Cats come and go without ever leaving. --Martha Curtis

Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. --Joseph Wood Krutch

You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats. --Proverb

The ideal of calm exists in a sitting cat. --Jules Reynard

Are we really sure the purring is coming from the kitty and not from our very own hearts? --Terri Guillemets

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. --Mary Bly

The cat is the only animal which accepts the comforts but rejects the bondage of domesticity. --Georges Louis Leclerc de Buffon

The city of cats and the city of men exist one inside the other, but they are not the same city. --Italo Calvino

If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. --Lemony Snicket

My cat speaks sign language with her tail. --Robert A. Stern

Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel.  True, and they have many other fine qualities as well. --Missy Dizick

In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this. --Terry Pratchett

Authors like cats because they are such quiet, lovable, wise creatures, and cats like authors for the same reasons. --Robertson Davies

The cat is domestic only as far as suits its own ends. --Saki

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. --Garrison Keillor

Most cats, when they are Out want to be In, and vice versa, and often simultaneously. --Louis J. Camuti

Kittens believe that all nature is occupied with their diversion. --F.A. Paradis de Moncrif

What greater gift than the love of a cat? --Charles Dickens

Before a cat will condescend
To treat you as a trusted friend,
Some little token of esteem
Is needed, like a dish of cream.
--T.S. Eliot

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life. --Faith Resnick

Most of us rather like our cats to have a streak of wickedness.  I should not feel quite easy in the company of any cat that walked about the house with a saintly expression. --Beverly Nichols

Kittens are angels with whiskers. --Author Unknown

Even if you have just destroyed a Ming Vase, purr.  Usually all will be forgiven. --Lenny Rubenstein

You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat.  You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles.  Do you understand this?  And radio operates exactly the same way:  you send signals here, they receive them there.  The only difference is that there is no cat. --Albert Einstein

Purring would seem to be, in her case, an automatic safety valve device for dealing with happiness overflow. --Monica Edwards

It is in the nature of cats to do a certain amount of unescorted roaming. --Adlai Stevenson

A cat bitten once by a snake dreads even rope. --Arab Proverb

Cats have intercepted my footsteps at the ankle for so long that my gait, both at home and on tour, has been compared to that of a man wading through low surf. --Roy Blount, Jr.

Like a graceful vase, a cat, even when motionless, seems to flow. --George F. Will

When your kitty purrs to you, doesn't it break your heart that you can't purr back? --Terri Guillemets

You own a dog but you feed a cat. --Jenny de Vries

Everything I know I learned from my cat:  When you're hungry, eat.  When you're tired, nap in a sunbeam.  When you go to the vet's, pee on your owner. --Gary Smith

Sometimes he curls up on my pillow during the night and I don't know he's there until I yawn and my mouth closes on a whisker. --Astrid Alauda

A cat isn't fussy - just so long as you remember he likes his milk in the shallow, rose-patterned saucer and his fish on the blue plate.  From which he will take it, and eat it off the floor. --Arthur Bridges

Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk. --Henry David Thoreau

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. --Author Unknown

Kittens can happen to anyone. --Paul Gallico

It is impossible for a lover of cats to banish these alert, gentle, and discriminating little friends, who give us just enough of their regard and complaisance to make us hunger for more. --Agnes Repplier

No heaven will not ever Heaven be
Unless my cats are there to welcome me.
--Author Unknown

The cat is the animal to whom the Creator gave the biggest eye, the softest fur, the most supremely delicate nostrils, a mobile ear, an unrivaled paw and a curved claw borrowed from the rose-tree. --Colette

A cat is the only domestic animal I know who toilet trains itself and does a damned impressive job of it. --Joseph Epstein

Cats conspire to keep us at arm's length. --Frank Perkins

I have studied many philosophers and many cats.  The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. --Hippolyte Taine

There is, incidentally, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person. --Dan Greenberg

Although all cat games have their rules and rituals, these vary with the individual player.  The cat, of course, never breaks a rule.  If it does not follow precedent, that simply means it has created a new rule and it is up to you to learn it quickly if you want the game to continue. --Sidney Denham

People who love cats have some of the biggest hearts around. --Susan Easterly

Prowling his own quiet backyard or asleep by the fire, he is still only a whisker away from the wilds. --Jean Burden

The trouble with a kitten is that
Eventually it becomes a cat.
--Ogden Nash

Cats can be cooperative when something feels good, which, to a cat, is the way everything is supposed to feel as much of the time as possible. --Roger Caras

The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something that can be learned in no other way. --Mark Twain

When you're used to hearing purring and suddenly it's gone, it's hard to silence the blaring sound of sadness. --Missy Altijd

Any conditioned cat-hater can be won over by any cat who chooses to make the effort. --Paul Corey

Keep an eye on the cat and another on the frying pan. --Proverb

Cats are dangerous companions for writers because cat watching is a near-perfect method of writing avoidance. --Dan Greenburg

Psychologists now recognize that the need in some people to have a dozen cats is really a sublimated desire to have two dozen cats. --Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

It always gives me a shiver when I see a cat seeing what I can't see. --Eleanor Farjeon

Way down deep, we're all motivated by the same urges.  Cats have the courage to live by them. --Jim Davis

Cats speak a subtle language in which few sounds carry many meanings, depending on how they are sung or purred.  "Mnrhnh" means comfortable soft chairs.  It also means fish.  It means genial companionship... and the absence of dogs. --Val Schaffner

People that don't like cats haven't met the right one yet. --Deborah A. Edwards

Another cat?  Perhaps.  For love there is also a season; its seeds must be resown.  But a family cat is not replaceable like a wornout coat or a set of tires.  Each new kitten becomes its own cat, and none is repeated.  I am four cats old, measuring out my life in friends that have succeeded but not replaced one another. --Irving Townsend

I love cats because I love my home and after a while they become its visible soul. --Jean Cocteau

By and large, people who enjoy teaching animals to roll over will find themselves happier with a dog. --Barbara Holland

You cannot look at a sleeping cat and feel tense. --Jane Pauley

If by chance I seated myself to write, she very slyly, very tenderly, seeking protection and caresses, would softly take her place on my knee and follow the comings and goings of my pen -sometimes effacing, with an unintentional stroke of her paw, lines of whose tenor she disapproved. --Pierre Loti

You can keep a dog; but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals. --George Mikes

I named my kitten Rose - fur soft as a petal, claws sharper than thorns. --Astrid Alauda

If he is comic, it is only because of the incongruity of so demure a look and so wild a heart. --Alan Devoe

To err is human, to purr is feline. --Robert Byrne

Cat lovers can readily be identified.  Their clothes always look old and well used.  Their sheets look like bath towels and their bath towels look like a collection of knitting mistakes. --Eric Gurney

The cat loves fish, but she's loath to wet her feet. --Proverb

Do you see that kitten chasing so prettily her own tail?  If you could look with her eyes, you might see her surrounded with hundreds of figures performing complex dramas, with tragic and comic issues, long conversations, many characters, many ups and downs of fate. --Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don't think it is so much the actual bath that most cats dislike; I think it's the fact that they have to spend a good part of the day putting their hair back in place. --Debbie Peterson

The way to keep a cat is to try to chase it away. --E.W. Howe

Those who play with cats must expect to be scratched. --Proverb

To bathe a cat takes brute force, perseverance, courage of conviction - and a cat.  The last ingredient is usually hardest to come by. --Stephen Baker

I pet her and she pays me back in purrs. --Terri Guillemets

Cats are the ultimate narcissists.  You can tell this because of all the time they spend on personal grooming.  Dogs aren't like this.  A dog's idea of personal grooming is to roll on a dead fish. --James Gorman

The best kind of alarm clock is the purring kind. --Terri Guillemets

Cats as a class, have never completely got over the snootiness caused by that fact that in Ancient Egypt they were worshipped as gods. --P.G. Wodehouse

Some people say man is the most dangerous animal on the planet.  Obviously those people have never met an angry cat. --Lillian Johnson

Time spent with cats is never wasted. --May Sarton

A cat is a lion in a jungle of small bushes. --Indian Proverb

People meeting for the first time suddenly relax if they find they both have cats.  And plunge into anecdote. --Charlotte Gray

Any household with at least one feline member has no need for an alarm clock. --Louise A. Belcher

Who would believe such pleasure from a wee ball o' fur? --Irish Saying

Dogs have owners, cats have staff. --Author Unknown

One must love a cat on its own terms. --Paul Gray

The sun rose slowly, like a fiery furball coughed up uneasily onto a sky-blue carpet by a giant unseen cat. --Michael McGarel

A kitten is the most irresistible comedian in the world.  Its wide-open eyes gleam with wonder and mirth.  It darts madly at nothing at all, and then, as though suddenly checked in the pursuit, prances sideways on its hind legs with ridiculous agility and zeal. --Agnes Repplier

Dogs eat.  Cats dine. --Ann Taylor

She clawed her way into my heart and wouldn't let go. --Missy Altijd

Of all the toys available, none is better designed than the owner himself.  A large multipurpose plaything, its parts can be made to move in almost any direction.  It comes completely assembled, and it makes a sound when you jump on it. --Stephen Baker

No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. --Abraham Lincoln

The dog may be wonderful prose, but only the cat is poetry. --French Proverb

The cat has always been associated with the moon.  Like the moon it comes to life at night, escaping from humanity and wandering over housetops with its eyes beaming out through the darkness. --Patricia Dale-Green

Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use. --Mark Twain

Cats never strike a pose that isn't photogenic. --Lillian Jackson Braun

Who hath a better friend than a cat? --William Hardwin

Nobody who is not prepared to spoil cats will get from them the reward they are able to give to those who do spoil them. --Compton MacKenzie

A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution. --Hazel Nicholson

Always the cat remains a little beyond the limits we try to set for him in our blind folly. --Andre Norton

When a cat chooses to be friendly, it's a big deal, because a cat is picky. --Mike Deupree

He liked companionship, but he wouldn't be petted, or fussed over, or sit in anyone's lap a moment; he always extricated himself from such familiarity with dignity and with no show of temper.  If there was any petting to be done, however, he chose to do it.  Often he would sit looking at me, and then, moved by a delicate affection, come and pull at my coat and sleeve until he could touch my face with his nose, and then go away contented. --Charles Dudley Warner

Even overweight, cats instinctively know the cardinal rule:  when fat, arrange yourself in slim poses. --John Weitz

In the middle of a world that had always been a bit mad, the cat walks with confidence. --Rosanne Amberson

Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet. --Colette

The cat does not offer services.  The cat offers itself.  Of course he wants care and shelter.  You don't buy love for nothing.  Like all pure creatures, cats are practical. --William S. Burroughs

One cat just leads to another. --Ernest Hemingway

Women, poets, and especially artists, like cats; delicate natures only can realize their sensitive systems. --Helen M. Winslow

Most beds sleep up to six cats.  Ten cats without the owner. --Stephen Baker

A cat is a tiger that is fed by hand. --Proverb

I put down my book, The Meaning of Zen, and see the cat smiling into her fur as she delicately combs it with her rough pink tongue.  "Cat, I would lend you this book to study but it appears you have already read it."  She looks up and gives me her full gaze.  "Don't be ridiculous," she purrs, "I wrote it." --Dilys Laing, "Miao"

Who among us hasn't envied a cat's ability to ignore the cares of daily life and to relax completely? --Karen Brademeyer

Cats only pretend to be domesticated if they think there's a bowl of milk in it for them. --Robin Williams

Every dog has his day - but the nights are reserved for the cats. --Author Unknown

A kitten is so flexible that she is almost double; the hind parts are equivalent to another kitten with which the forepart plays.  She does not discover that her tail belongs to her until you tread on it. --Henry David Thoreau

Your cat may never have to hunt farther than the kitchen counter for its supper nor face a predator more fierce than the vacuum cleaner. --Barbara L. Diamond

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. --Mark Twain

A meow massages the heart. --Stuart McMillan

The domestic cat seems to have greater confidence in itself than in anyone else. --Lawrence N. Johnson

If a dog jumps into your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. --Alfred North Whitehead

Cats are to dogs what modern people are to the people we used to have.  Cats are slimmer, cleaner, more attractive, disloyal, and lazy.  It's easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet.  People like pets to possess the same qualities they do.  Cats are irresponsible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs.  Cats cannot be made to do anything useful.  Cats are mean for the fun of it.  In fact, cats possess so many of the same qualities as some people (expensive girlfriends, for instance) that it's often hard to tell the people and the cats apart. --P.J. O'Rourke, Modern Manners

It's really the cat's house - we just pay the mortgage. --Author Unknown

Cats are notoriously sore losers.  Coming in second best, especially to someone as poorly coordinated as a human being, grates their sensibility. --Stephen Baker

Does the father figure in your cat's life ever clean the litter box?  My husband claims that men lack the scooping gene. --Barbara L. Diamond

Some people have cats and go on to lead normal lives. --Author Unknown

Cats have an infallible understanding of total concentration - and get between you and it. --Arthur Bridges

Four little Persians, but only one looked in my direction.  I extended a tentative finger and two soft paws clung to it.  There was a contented sound of purring, I suspect on both our parts. --George Freedley

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid.  She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again, and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore. --Mark Twain

I have noticed that what cats most appreciate in a human being is not the ability to produce food which they take for granted, but his or her entertainment value. --Author Unknown

It is remarkable, in cats, that the outer life they reveal to their masters is one of perpetual boredom. --Robley Wilson, Jr.

The smart cat doesn't let on that he is. --H.G. Frommer

If I called her she would pretend not to hear, but would come a few moments later when it could appear that she had thought of doing so first. --Arthur Weigall

I am as vigilant as a cat to steal cream. --William Shakespeare, Henry IV

If we treated everyone we meet with the same affection we bestow upon our favorite cat, they, too, would purr. --Martin Buxbaum

The cat was created when the lion sneezed. --Arabian Proverb

The cat is above all things, a dramatist. --Margaret Benson

Meow is like aloha - it can mean anything. --Hank Ketchum

An ordinary kitten will ask more questions than any five year old. --Carl Van Vechten

Cats were put into the world to disprove the dogma that all things were created to serve man. --Paul Gray

If the claws didn't retract, cats would be like Velcro. --Bruce Fogle

A cat determined not to be found can fold itself up like a pocket handkerchief if it wants to. --Louis J. Camuti

Most cats do not approach humans recklessly.  The possibility of concealed weapons, clods or sticks, tend to make them reserved.  Homeless cats in particular - with some justification, unfortunately - consider humans their natural enemies.  Much ceremony must be observed, and a number of diplomatic feelers put out, before establishing a state of truce. --Lloyd Alexander

God made the cat in order that man might have the pleasure of caressing the lion. --Fernand Mery

When a cat speaks, it's because it has something to say, unlike humans who are the great refuse containers of speech. --Terri Guillemets

Cats are smarter than dogs.  You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. --Jeff Valdez

If only cats grew into kittens. --R. Stern

If there were to be a universal sound depicting peace, I would surely vote for the purr. --Barbara L. Diamond