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Academe, n.:  An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.  Academy, n.:  A modern school where football is taught. --Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in the students. --John Ciardi

Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities:  the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates. --Abbott Lawrence Lowell

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. --Theodore Roosevelt

If you have a college degree you can be absolutely sure of one thing... you have a college degree. --Author Unknown

If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you. --Robert Goheen, Time, 23 June 1961

It takes most men five years to recover from a college education, and to learn that poetry is as vital to thinking as knowledge. --Brooks Atkinson, Once Around the Sun, 1951

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep. --W.H. Auden

The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth which it prevents you from achieving. --Russell Green

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D.  Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B. --"Fats" Domino

Fathers send their sons to college either because they went to college or they didn't. --L.L. Hendren

College is the best time of your life.  When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night? --David Wood

A liberal education... frees a man from the prison-house of his class, race, time, place, background, family and even his nation. --Robert Maynard Hutchins

Does college pay?  They do if you are a good open-field runner. --Will Rogers

A college education shows a man how little other people know. --Thomas Chandler Haliburton

The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another. --J. Frank Dobie

I never graduated from Iowa, but I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's. --Alex Karras

The primary purpose of a liberal education is to make one's mind a pleasant place in which to spend one's leisure. --Sydney J. Harris

College football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture. --Elbert Hubbard

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. --George Gobel

A liberal-arts education is supposed to provide you with a value system, a standard, a set of ideas, not a job. --Caroline Bird

I learned three important things in college - to use a library, to memorize quickly and visually, to drop asleep at any time given a horizontal surface and fifteen minutes. --Agnes DeMille, Dance to the Piper, 1952

The new appears as a minority point of view, and hence is unpopular.  The function of a university is to give it a sanctuary. --Martin H. Fischer

I have a degree in liberal arts.  Do you want fries with that? --Author unknown, as seen on a T-shirt

Hitler destroyed the German university with design; we destroyed ours without. --Martin H. Fischer

No man should escape our universities without knowing how little he knows. --J. Robert Oppenheimer

The purpose of primary education is the development of your weak characteristics; the purpose of university education, the development of your strong. --Nevin Fenneman

I am not impressed by the Ivy League establishments.  Of course they graduate the best - it's all they'll take, leaving to others the problem of educating the country.  They will give you an education the way the banks will give you money - provided you can prove to their satisfaction that you don't need it. --Peter DeVries

Standardization is the fertilizer of college education.  A little may be useful, but flowers do not grow in pure manure. --Martin H. Fischer

The purpose of a liberal education is to make you philosophical enough to accept the fact that you will never make much money. --Author Unknown

The elective system offered a bewildering freedom of choice, leaving some graduates with the impression that they had nibbled at dozens of canapés of knowledge and never had their fill. --Ted Morgan

The quality of a university is measured more by the kind of student it turns out than the kind it takes in. --Robert J. Kibbee

A place where pebbles are polished and diamonds are dimmed. --Robert G. Ingersoll

A university is a college with a stadium seating over 40,000. --Leonard L. Levinson