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Vegetables are a must on a diet.  I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie. --Jim Davis

Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity. --Voltaire

There is a lot more juice in grapefruit than meets the eye. --Author Unknown

We think fast food is equivalent to pornography, nutritionally speaking. --Steve Elbert

High-tech tomatoes.  Mysterious milk.  Supersquash.  Are we supposed to eat this stuff?  Or is it going to eat us? --Annita Manning

Sex is good, but not as good as fresh, sweet corn. --Garrison Keillor

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? --Author Unknown

Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it. --Author Unknown

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning. --John Barrymore

Shipping is a terrible thing to do to vegetables.  They probably get jet-lagged, just like people. --Elizabeth Berry

No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut. --Channing Pollock

Red meat is not bad for you.  Now blue-green meat, that’s bad for you! --Tommy Smothers

Chemicals, n:  Noxious substances from which modern foods are made. --Author Unknown

It would be nice if the Food and Drug Administration stopped issuing warnings about toxic substances and just gave me the names of one or two things still safe to eat. --Robert Fuoss

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices:  take it or leave it. --Buddy Hackett

Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.  Lettuce pray. --Author Unknown

Edible, adj.:  Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm. --Ambrose Bierce

One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating. --Luciano Pavarotti and William Wright, Pavarotti, My Own Story

After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual "food" out of eating an artichoke as you would from licking 30 or 40 postage stamps. --Miss Piggy

The bagel, an unsweetened doughnut with rigor mortis. --Beatrice & Ira Freeman

You can say this for ready-mixes - the next generation isn't going to have any trouble making pies exactly like mother used to make. --Earl Wilson

The belly rules the mind. --Spanish Proverb

My favorite animal is steak. --Fran Lebowitz

When baking, follow directions.  When cooking, go by your own taste. --Laiko Bahrs

We are all dietetic sinners; only a small percent of what we eat nourishes us; the balance goes to waste and loss of energy. --William Osler

If only it was as easy to banish hunger by rubbing the belly as it is to masturbate. --Diogenes the Cynic

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. --G.K. Chesterton

All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast. --John Gunther

Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your breakfast first. --Josh Billings

Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. --Fran Lebowitz

A bagel is a doughnut with the sin removed. --George Rosenbaum

Great eaters and great sleepers are incapable of anything else that is great. --Henry IV of France

Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography. --Robert Byrne

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato. --Lewis Grizzard

In Mexico we have a word for sushi:  bait. --José Simons

I don't think America will have really made it until we have our own salad dressing.  Until then we're stuck behind the French, Italians, Russians and Caesarians. --Pat McNelis

Chili represents your three stages of matter:  solid, liquid, and eventually gas. --Roseanne, "Don't Make Me Over," May 1992, spoken by character Dan Conner

If organic farming is the natural way, shouldn't organic produce just be called "produce" and make the pesticide-laden stuff take the burden of an adjective? --Ymber Delecto

A nickel will get you on the subway, but garlic will get you a seat. --Old New York Proverb

Large, naked raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who lie in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter. --Fran Lebowitz

It's bizarre that the produce manager is more important to my children's health than the pediatrician. --Meryl Streep

Eat little, sleep sound. --Iranian Proverb

The greatest delight the fields and woods minister is the suggestion of an occult relation between man and the vegetable.  I am not alone and unacknowledged.  They nod to me and I to them. --Ralph Waldo Emerson

The way you cut your meat reflects the way you live. --Confucius

Worries go down better with soup. --Jewish Proverb

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. --Fran Lebowitz

I eat merely to put food out of my mind. --N.F. Simpson

I take a vitamin every day.  It's called a steak. --Leo Benvenuti and Steve Rudnick, Kicking & Screaming, 2005, spoken by the character Buck Weston

Dyspepsia is the remorse of a guilty stomach. --A. Kerr

This is every cook's opinion -
no savory dish without an onion,
but lest your kissing should be spoiled
your onions must be fully boiled.
--Jonathan Swift

Sleep 'til you're hungry, eat 'til you're sleepy. --Author Unknown

Chowder breathes reassurance.  It steams consolation. --Clementine Paddleford

A nickel's worth of goulash beats a five dollar can of vitamines. --Martin H. Fischer

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons. --Alfred E. Newman

If God had intended us to follow recipes,
He wouldn't have given us grandmothers.
--Linda Henley

An empty belly is the best cook. --Estonian Proverb

It is, in my view, the duty of an apple to be crisp and crunchable, but a pear should have such a texture as leads to silent consumption. --Edward Bunyard

If we're not willing to settle for junk living, we certainly shouldn't settle for junk food. --Sally Edwards

If junk food is the devil, then a sweet orange is as scripture. --Terri Guillemets

Rice is born in water and must die in wine. --Italian Proverb

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will. --Robert Frost

Nobody seems more obsessed by diet than our anti-materialistic, otherworldly, New Age spiritual types.  But if the material world is merely illusion, an honest guru should be as content with Budweiser and bratwurst as with raw carrot juice, tofu and seaweed slime. --Edward Abbey

The breakfast slimes, angel food cake, doughnuts and coffee, white bread and gravy cannot build an enduring nation. --Martin H. Fischer

What is patriotism but the love of the food one ate as a child? --Lin Yutang

Everything I eat has been proved by some doctor or other to be a deadly poison, and everything I don't eat has been proved to be indispensable for life.  But I go marching on. --George Bernard Shaw

A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch. --James Beard

We plan, we toil, we suffer - in the hope of what?  A camel-load of idol's eyes?  The title deeds of Radio City?  The empire of Asia?  A trip to the moon?  No, no, no, no.  Simply to wake just in time to smell coffee and bacon and eggs. --J.B. Priestly

You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars. --Charles Kuralt

I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly.  Tuna fish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock. --Barbara Grizzuti Harrison

Hunger is the best sauce in the world. --Cervantes

There is no love sincerer than the love of food. --George Bernard Shaw, "The Revolutionist's Handbook," Man and Superman

He who distinguishes the true savor of his food can never be a glutton; he who does not cannot be otherwise. --Henry David Thoreau

Stored away in some brain cell is the image of a long-departed aunt you haven't thought of in 30 years.  Stored away in another cell is the image of a pink pony stitched on your first set of baby pajamas.  All it takes to get that aunt mounted on the back of that pony is to eat a hunk of meatloaf immediately before going to bed. --Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

I will not eat oysters.  I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead. --Woody Allen

We load up on oat bran in the morning so we'll live forever.  Then we spend the rest of the day living like there's no tomorrow. --Lee Iacocca

Recipe:  A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog wouldn't eat. --Author Unknown

And I find chopsticks frankly distressing.  Am I alone in thinking it odd that a people ingenious enough to invent paper, gunpowder, kites and any number of other useful objects, and who have a noble history extending back 3,000 years haven't yet worked out that a pair of knitting needles is no way to capture food? --Bill Bryson

Kissing don't last; cookery do! --George Meredith

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. --Mark Twain

Did you ever stop to taste a carrot?  Not just eat it, but taste it?  You can't taste the beauty and energy of the earth in a Twinkie. --Astrid Alauda

Cutting stalks at noontime.  Perspiration drips to the earth.  Know you that your bowl of rice each grain from hardship comes? --Chang Chan-Pao

Condensed milk is wonderful.  I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans. --Fred Allen

Good bread is the most fundamentally satisfying of all foods; good bread with fresh butter, the greatest of feasts! --James Beard

Great food is like great sex.  The more you have the more you want. --Gael Greene

No, I don't take soup.  You can't build a meal on a lake. --Elsie de Wolfe (Lady Mendl)

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers.  The original meal has never been found. --Calvin Trillin

Anyhow, the hole in the doughnut is at least digestible. --H.L. Mencken

You are what you eat.  For example, if you eat garlic you're apt to be a hermit. --Franklin P. Jones

The inventor of soda crackers has a place in hell. --Martin H. Fischer

Plant a radish, get a radish, never any doubt.  That's why I love vegetables, you know what they're about! --Tom Jones and Harvey Schmidt

Cold beer and pizza are spiritual. --Betsy Cañas Garmon, www.wildthymecreative.com

We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink...--Epicurus

He who eats alone chokes alone. --Proverb

After dinner sit a while, and after supper walk a mile. --English Saying

Vegetables are the food of the earth; fruit seems more the food of the heavens. --Sepal Felicivant

Always eat grapes downward - that is eat the best grapes first; in this way there will be none better left on the bunch, and each grape will seem good down to the last.  If you eat the other way, you will not have a good grape in the lot. --Samuel Butler

The story of barbecue is the story of America:  Settlers arrive on great unspoiled continent, discover wondrous riches, set them on fire and eat them. --Vince Staten

Custard:  A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook. --Ambrose Bierce

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? --Author Unknown

He was a very valiant man who first adventured on eating oysters. --James I

Strawberries are the angels of the earth, innocent and sweet with green leafy wings reaching heavenward. --Terri Guillemets

Tell me what you eat, I'll tell you who you are. --Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

The more you eat, the less flavor; the less you eat, the more flavor. --Chinese Proverb

Proust had his madeleines; I am devastated by the scent of yeast bread rising. --Bert Greene

As for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than chemists. --Joan Gussow

An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. --Will Rogers

Hunger:  One of the few cravings that cannot be appeased with another solution. --Irwin Van Grove

Training is everything.  The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. --Mark Twain

The woman just ahead of you at the supermarket checkout has all the delectable groceries you didn't even know they carried. --Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

You can tell how long a couple has been married by whether they are on their first, second or third bottle of Tobasco. --Bruce Bye

There is nothing better on a cold wintry day than a properly made pot pie. --Craig Claiborne

You know how I feel about tacos.  It's the only food shaped like a smile.  A beef smile. --Danielle Sanchez-Witzel and Michael Pennie, My Name is Earl, "South of the Border Part Uno/Dos," original airdate 7 December 2006, spoken by the character Earl Hickey

If soup isn't hot enough to make a grown man wince, it's undrinkable. --Grey Livingston

The whole of nature, as has been said, is a conjugation of the verb to eat, in the active and in the passive. --William Ralph Inge

And, of course, the funniest food of all, kumquats. --George Carlin

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money.  Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do. --P.J. O'Rourke

Avoid fruit and nuts.  You are what you eat. --Jim Davis

In general, mankind, since the improvement in cookery, eats twice as much as nature requires. --Benjamin Franklin

Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal. --Jay Leno

I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good - if it's the pepper or the oni. --Ulrik Stephens

Happiness is a bowl of cherries and a book of poetry under a shade tree. --Astrid Alauda

All sorrows are less with bread. --Miguel de Cervantes, Don Quixote

The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again. --George Miller

This special feeling towards fruit, its glory and abundance, is I would say universal.... We respond to strawberry fields or cherry orchards with a delight that a cabbage patch or even an elegant vegetable garden cannot provoke. --Jane Grigson

No man is lonely eating spaghetti; it requires so much attention. --Christopher Morley

When I'm at a Chinese restaurant having a hard time with chopsticks, I always hope that there's a Chinese kid at an American restaurant somewhere who's struggling mightily with a fork. --Rick Budinich

A converted cannibal is one who, on Friday, eats only fishermen. --Emily Lotney

Fish, to taste right, must swim three times - in water, in butter, and in wine. --Polish Proverb

Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing. --Walt Kelly

He that eats till he is sick must fast till he is well. --English Proverb

The spirit cannot endure the body when overfed, but, if underfed, the body cannot endure the spirit. --St Frances de Sales

[Breadbaking is] one of those almost hypnotic businesses, like a dance from some ancient ceremony.  It leaves you filled with one of the world's sweetest smells... there is no chiropractic treatment, no Yoga exercise, no hour of meditation in a music-throbbing chapel, that will leave you emptier of bad thoughts than this homely ceremony of making bread. --M.F.K. Fisher, The Art of Eating

I'll bet what motivated the British to colonize so much of the world is that they were just looking for a decent meal. --Martha Harrison

Cooking is like love.  It should be entered into with abandon or not at all. --Harriet van Horne

A man may be a pessimistic determinist before lunch and an optimistic believer in the will's freedom after it. --Aldous Huxley

Cheese - milk's leap toward immortality. --Clifton Fadiman

Life goes faster on protein. --Martin H. Fischer

Life is an onion and one cries while peeling it. --French Proverb

But when the time comes that a man has had his dinner, then the true man comes to the surface. --Mark Twain

There is no sight on earth more appealing than the sight of a woman making dinner for someone she loves. --Thomas Wolfe

Soup and fish explain half the emotions of human life. --Sydney Smith

Don't forget that the flavors of wine and cheese depend upon the types of infecting microörganisms. --Martin H. Fischer

There is no such thing as a little garlic. --A. Baer

Soup is liquid comfort. --Author Unknown

To the old saying that man built the house but woman made of it a "home" might be added the modern supplement that woman accepted cooking as a chore but man has made of it a recreation. --Emily Post

There are only ten minutes in the life of a pear when it is perfect to eat. --Ralph Waldo Emerson

What is stronger than a mother's love?  The smell of spring onions on your girl's breath. --Four Hundred Laughs: Or, Fun Without Vulgarity, compiled and edited by John R. Kemble, 1902

Bread deals with living things, with giving life, with growth, with the seed, the grain that nurtures.  It is not coincidence that we say bread is the staff of life. --Lionel Poilane

Most of the food allergies die under garlic and onion. --Martin H. Fischer

Great restaurants are, of course, nothing but mouth-brothels.  There is no point in going to them if one intends to keep one's belt buckled. --Frederic Raphael

It's so beautifully arranged on the plate - you know someone's fingers have been all over it. --Julia Child

As the days grow short, some faces grow long.  But not mine.  Every autumn, when the wind turns cold and darkness comes early, I am suddenly happy.  It's time to start making soup again. --Leslie Newman

Bread and butter, devoid of charm in the drawing-room, is ambrosia eating under a tree. --Elizabeth Russell

My soul is dark with stormy riot,
Directly traceable to diet.
--Samuel Hoffenstein

I'm trying to eat better.  And, I do feel wise after drinking tea.  After eating vegetables, I just feel hungry. --Carrie Latet

A three-year-old gave this reaction to her Christmas dinner:  "I don't like the turkey, but I like the bread he ate." --Author Unknown

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. --Doug Larson