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You sometimes see a woman who would have made a Joan of Arc in another century and climate, threshing herself to pieces over all the mean worry of housekeeping. --Rudyard Kipling

My second favorite household chore is ironing.  My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. --Erma Bombeck

Nature abhors a vacuum.  And so do I. --Anne Gibbons

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. --Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints, 1966

Housework is something you do that nobody notices until you don't do it. --Author Unknown

Our house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy. --Author Unknown

Don't cook.  Don't clean.  No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum - "My God, the floor's immaculate.  Lie down, you hot bitch." --Joan Rivers

The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean. --Erma Bombeck

I think housework is the reason most women go to the office. --Heloise Cruse

I'm not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on. --Roseanne Barr

The trouble with living alone is that it's always your turn to do the dishes. --Author Unknown

There was no need to do any housework at all.  After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse. --Quentin Crisp, The Naked Civil Servant, 1968

Housework, if it is done right, can kill you. --John Skow

I am thankful for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.... I am thankful for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means my loved ones are nearby. --Nancie J. Carmody

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. --Author Unknown

This is a honeydew day.  That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. --Jim Lemon

The best time for planning a book is while you're doing the dishes. --Agatha Christie

Law of the Workshop:  Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. --Author Unknown

The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up.  The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now.  They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they'd never clean anything. --Dave Barry

I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn. --C.E. Cowman

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. --Joe Ryan

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store. --Kin Hubbard

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.  No one else cares.  Why should you? --Erma Bombeck

You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty. --Cecil Baxter

A clean house is the sign of a boring person. --Author Unknown

We labor to make a house a home, then every time we're expecting visitors, we rush to turn it back into a house. --Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

I enjoy mowing the lawn, it relaxes me.  It gets me outdoors, it's good exercise, the freshly cut grass smells great, and the engine is loud enough that I'm sure no one else can hear my thoughts - or intrude upon them. --Astrid Alauda

Old houses mended,
Cost little less than new before they're ended.
--Colley Cibber

Cleanliness is next to impossible. --Author Unknown

They're sure housework won't kill you, but why take the risk?  Author Unknown

Vacuums don't clean houses.  People clean houses. --Everybody Loves Raymond, "Humm Vac," written by Lew Schneider, original airdate 19 March 2001, spoken by the character Marie Barone

When it comes to housework the one thing no book of household management can ever tell you is how to begin.  Or maybe I mean why. --Katharine Whitehorn, "Nought for Homework," Roundabout, 1962

This mess is a place! --Author Unknown

My idea of superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors. --Bette Midler

I like hugs and I like kisses,
But what I really love is help with the dishes!
--Author Unknown

Three-fourths of the Earth's surface is water, and one-fourth is land.  It is quite clear that the good Lord intended us to spend triple the amount of time fishing as taking care of the lawn. --Chuck Clark

A man builds a fine house; and now he has a master, and a task for life:  he is to furnish, watch, show it, and keep it in repair, the rest of his days. --Ralph Waldo Emerson

Please don't feed the dust bunnies. --Author Unknown

It's all in the attitude - housework is exercise.  Slim your way to a clean home! --Linda Solegato

When you use a manual push mower, you're "cutting" down on pollution and the only thing in danger of running out of gas is you! --Grey Livingston

If the shelves are dusty and the pots don't shine,
it's because I have better things to do with my time.
--Author Unknown

One only needs two tools in life:  WD-40 to make things go, and duct tape to make them stop. --G.M. Weilacher

There is no daily chore so trivial that it cannot be made important by skipping it two days running. --Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

Dust is just a country accent. --Author Unknown

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished and put inside boxes. --Dave Barry

I got the blues thinking of the future, so I left off and made some marmalade.  It's amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor. --D.H. Lawrence

Thank God for dirty dishes,
they have a tale to tell;
while others may go hungry,
we're eating very well.
--Author Unknown

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken. --James Dent

This house is protected by killer dust bunnies. --Author Unknown

Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. --Hoosier Farmer

There may be dust in my house but there isn't any on me. --Author Unknown

God made rainy days so gardeners could get the housework done. --Author Unknown