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The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. --Frank Hubbard

We can tell our values by looking at our checkbook stubs. --Gloria Steinem

There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune:  go there with a large one. --Jack Yelton

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income. --Errol Flynn

Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due. --Author Unknown

Inflation hasn't ruined everything.  A dime can still be used as a screwdriver. --Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. --Mark Twain

They who are of the opinion that Money will do everything, may very well be suspected to do everything for Money. --George Savile, Complete Works, 1912

I cannot afford to waste my time making money. --Louis Agassiz

There's no money in poetry, but then there's no poetry in money, either. --Robert Graves

When I have money, I get rid of it quickly, lest it find a way into my heart. --John Wesley

It is an unfortunate human failing that a full pocketbook often groans more loudly than an empty stomach. --Franklin Delano Roosevelt

After a visit to the beach, it's hard to believe that we live in a material world. --Pam Shaw

The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money. --Author Unknown

Only when the last tree has died and the last river been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realise we cannot eat money. --Cree Indian Proverb

The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments. --Mad Magazine

I'd like to live as a poor man with lots of money. --Pablo Picasso

No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back. --Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

There are no pockets in a shroud. --Author Unknown

Waste your money and you're only out of money, but waste your time and you've lost a part of your life. --Michael Leboeuf

There are people who have money and people who are rich. --Coco Chanel

This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this:  most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time.  Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy. --Douglas Adams

Life shouldn't be printed on dollar bills. --Clifford Odets

There are few sorrows, however poignant, in which a good income is of no avail. --Logan Pearsall Smith, "Life and Human Nature," Afterthoughts, 1931

Mammon, n.:  The god of the world's leading religion. --Ambrose Bierce

It's good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven't lost the things that money can't buy. --George Horace Lorimer

"Your money, or your life."  We know what to do when a burglar makes this demand of us, but not when God does. --Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. --Sam Ewing

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. --Bob Hope

Business is the art of extracting money from another man's pocket without resorting to violence. --Max Amsterdam

O Gold! I still prefer thee unto paper,
Which makes bank credit like a bark of vapour.
--Lord Byron

Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn't expect to be paid back. --Author Unknown

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. --Author Unknown

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America.  If I'm not there, I go to work. --Robert Orben

Money is neither my god nor my devil.  It is a form of energy that tends to make us more of who we already are, whether it's greedy or loving. --Dan Millman

My old father used to have a saying:  If you make a bad bargain, hug it all the tighter. --Abraham Lincoln

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. --Earl Wilson

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. --Woody Allen

I don't like money, actually, but it quiets my nerves. --Joe Louis

Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions. --A.A. Latimer

Money is like manure.  You have to spread it around or it smells. --J. Paul Getty

We may see the small value God has for riches, by the people he gives them to. --Alexander Pope, Thoughts on Various Subjects, 1727

Too much money is as demoralizing as too little, and there's no such thing as exactly enough. --Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

It's a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money. --Albert Camus

When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion. --Voltaire

A bank book makes good reading - better than some novels. --Harry Lauder

Women prefer men who have something tender about them - especially the legal kind. --Kay Ingram

There are a handful of people whom money won't spoil, and we count ourselves among them. --Mignon McLaughlin

Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer. --Author Unknown

Money often costs too much. --Ralph Waldo Emerson

When a fellow says it hain't the money but the principle o' the thing, it's th' money. --Frank McKinney "Kin" Hubbard, Hoss Sense and Nonsense, 1926

The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste. --M.W. Harrison

They deem me mad because I will not sell my days for gold; and I deem them mad because they think my days have a price. --Kahlil Gibran

I'm so poor I can't even pay attention. --Ron Kittle, 1987

If you make money your god, it will plague you like the devil. --Henry Fielding

It frees you from doing things you dislike.  Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. --Groucho Marx

We have profoundly forgotten everywhere that Cash-payment is not the sole relation of human beings. --Thomas Carlyle, Past and Present

We live by the Golden Rule.  Those who have the gold make the rules. --Buzzie Bavasi

A man's soul may be buried and perish under a dungheap or in a furrow of the field, just as well as under a pile of money. --Nathaniel Hawthorne

There are several ways in which to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory. --Robert Benchley

Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband. --H.L. Mencken

...existence has become an unreasoning, wild dance around the golden calf, a mad worship of God Mammon.  In that dance and in that worship man has sacrificed all his finer qualities of the heart and soul - kindness and justice, honor and manhood, compassion and sympathy with his fellowman. --Alexander Berkman, What Is Communist Anarchism?

When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is. --Oscar Wilde

The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters. --Jean-Paul Kauffmann
Money is power, freedom, a cushion, the root of all evil, the sum of blessings. --Carl Sandburg
I am having an out of money experience. --Author Unknown

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. --Aristotle Onassis

Money is much more exciting than anything it buys. --Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

The only thing that can console one for being poor is extravagance. --Oscar Wilde

Money isn't the most important thing in life, but it's reasonably close to oxygen on the "gotta have it" scale. --Zig Ziglar

The little money I have - that is my wealth, but the things I have for which I would not take money, that is my treasure. --Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

Earth gets its price for what Earth gives us,
The beggar is taxed for a corner to die in,
The priest hath his fee who comes and shrives us,
We bargain for the graves we lie in;
At the devil's booth are all things sold,
Each ounce of dross costs its ounce of gold;
For a cap and bells our lives we pay.
Bubbles we buy with a whole soul's tasking,
'Tis heaven alone that is given away,
'Tis only God may be had for the asking,
No price is set on the lavish summer;
June may be had by the poorest comer.
--James Russell Lowell, The Vision of Sir Launfal, 1848

Money is human happiness in the abstract; and so the man who is no longer capable of enjoying such happiness in the concrete, sets his whole heart on money. --Arthur Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, 1851

Money is the last enemy that shall never be subdued.  While there is flesh there is money - or the want of money; but money is always on the brain so long as there is a brain in reasonable order. --Samuel Butler, Notebooks, 1912

Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail. --Henry Wheeler Shaw

When you let money speak for you, it drowns out anything else you meant to say. --Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage. --Doug Larson

October:  This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in.  The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February. --Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar for 1894

Few are aware that they want any thing, except pounds schillings and pence. --Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827

I wish I'd said it first, and I don't even know who did:  The only problems that money can solve are money problems. --Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

He that wants money, means, and content is without three good friends. --William Shakespeare

Every one, even the richest and most munificent of men, pays much by cheque more light-heartedly than he pays little in specie. --Max Beerbohm, "Hosts and Guests," 1918

If inflation continues to soar, you're going to have to work like a dog just to live like one. --George Gobel

I once met an economist who believed that everything was fungible for money, so I suggested he enclose himself in a large bell-jar with as much money as he wanted and see how long he lasted. --Amory Lovins

Money does not pay for anything, never has, never will.  It is an economic axiom as old as the hills that goods and services can be paid for only with goods and services. --Albert Jay Nock, Memoirs of a Superfluous Man, 1943

I'm tired of Love: I'm still more tired of Rhyme.
But Money gives me pleasure all the time.
--Hilaire Belloc, "Fatigued," Sonnets and Verse, 1923

In the old days a man who saved money was a miser; nowadays he's a wonder. --Author Unknown

Money may be the husk of many things but not the kernel.  It brings you food, but not appetite; medicine, but not health; acquaintance, but not friends; servants, but not loyalty; days of joy, but not peace or happiness. --Henrik Ibsen

How quickly nature falls into revolt
When gold becomes her object!
For this the foolish over-careful fathers
Have broke their sleep with thoughts, their brains with care,
Their bones with industry.
--William Shakespeare

[T]hose who live by numbers can also perish by them and it is a terrifying thing to have an adding machine write an epitaph, either way. --George J.W. Goodman, The Money Game

A man is usually more careful of his money than of his principles. --Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., speech, Boston, 8 January 1897

Inflation is taxation without legislation. --Milton Friedman

Those who believe money can do everything are frequently prepared to do everything for money. --Author Unknown

I hire tea by the tea bag. --Martin Amis, on renting the essentials of life after breaking up with a lover, Money: A Suicide Note (Thanks to bartleby.com for verifying the details of the source.)

Foul cankering rust the hidden treasure frets,
But gold that's put to use more gold begets.
--William Shakespeare, Venus and Adonis, 1593

Lack of money is the root of all evil. --George Bernard Shaw

Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust. --Oliver Wendell Holmes, The Autocrat of the Breakfast-Table, 1857

If money is your hope for independence you will never have it.  The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability. --Henry Ford

We all know how the size of sums of money appears to vary in a remarkable way according as they are being paid in or paid out. --Julian Huxley, Essays of a Biologist, 1923

A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. --Mark Twain

It is natural that affluence should be followed by influence. --Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827

A woman's mink coat represents the sacrifice of a lot of little animals, including her husband. --Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Money doesn't talk, it swears. --Bob Dylan, "It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)"

The best way for a person to have happy thoughts is to count his blessings and not his cash. --Author Unknown

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. --Yogi Berra

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating. --Oscar Wilde

Do not value money for any more nor any less than its worth; it is a good servant but a bad master. --Alexandre Dumas fils, Camille, 1852

To suppose as we all suppose, that we could be rich and not behave as the rich behave, is like supposing that we could drink all day and stay sober. --Logan Pearsall Smith

If all the economists were laid end to end, they'd never reach a conclusion. --George Bernard Shaw

If the nation's economists were laid end to end, they would point in all directions. --Arthur H. Motley

Intaxication:  Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. --From a Washington Post word contest

Empty pockets never held anyone back.  Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that. --Norman Vincent Peale

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. --W.C. Fields

He is rich or poor according to what he is, not according to what he has. --Henry Ward Beecher

By the time I have money to burn, my fire will have burnt out. --Author Unknown

That money talks
I'll not deny,
I heard it once:
It said, "Goodbye."
--Richard Armour

Money and women.  They're two of the strongest things in the world.  The things you do for a woman you wouldn't do for anything else.  Same with money. --Satchel Paige

Wallets are the fabricated items into which we put our fabricated money, which most people believe to be their possession of the realest value. --Terri Guillemets

Those who set out to serve both God and Mammon soon discover that there is no God. --Logan Pearsall Smith

But tell me:  how did gold get to be the highest value?  Because it is uncommon and useless and gleaming and gentle in its brilliance; it always gives itself.  Only as an image of the highest virtue did gold get to be the highest value.  The giver's glance gleams like gold.  A golden brilliance concludes peace between the moon and the sun.  Uncommon is the highest virtue and useless, it is gleaming and gentle in its brilliance:  a gift-giving virtue is the highest virtue. --Friedrich Nietzsche

We ought to change the legend on our money from "In God We Trust" to "In Money We Trust."  Because, as a nation, we've got far more faith in money these days than we do in God. --Arthur Hoppe, 1963

Ordinary riches can be stolen; real riches cannot.  In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you. --Oscar Wilde, The Soul of Man under Socialism, 1891