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The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. --Abe Lemons

When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. --R.C. Sherriff

When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. --Chi Chi Rodriguez

A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job. --Ella Harris

Retired is being twice tired, I've thought
First tired of working,
Then tired of not.
--Richard Armour

I've been attending lots of seminars in my retirement.  They're called naps. --Merri Brownworth

Retirement:  It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese. --Gene Perret

I'm retired - goodbye tension, hello pension! --Author Unknown

Retirement itself is the best gift.  No gold watch could ever top it. --Abigail Charleson

Retirement: World's longest coffee break. --Author Unknown

Retirement has been a discovery of beauty for me.  I never had the time before to notice the beauty of my grandkids, my wife, the tree outside my very own front door.  And, the beauty of time itself. --Hartman Jule

O, blest retirement! friend to life's decline -
How blest is he who crowns, in shades like these,
A youth of labor with an age of ease!
--Oliver Goldsmith

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work. --Author Unknown

Life begins at retirement. --Author Unknown

The challenge of retirement is how to spend time without spending money. --Author Unknown

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles. --Doug Larson

Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it. --Gene Perret

There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working. --Robert Half

Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time. --J. Lubbock

When you retire, think and act as if you were still working; when you're still working, think and act a bit as if you were already retired. --Author Unknown

The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income. --George Foreman

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. --Gene Perret

I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron. --Hartman Jule

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. --Jim Bishop

Don't play too much golf.  Two rounds a day are plenty. --Harry Vardon

The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. --Author Unknown

Don't simply retire from something; have something to retire to. --Harry Emerson Fosdick

I'm now as free as the breeze - with roughly the same income. --Gene Perret
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. --Will Rogers, Autobiography, 1949

When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you. --Gene Perret

The money's no better in retirement but the hours are! --Anonymous

When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces.  Women go right on cooking. --Gail Sheehy

There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want. --Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

Retirement without the love of letters is a living burial. --Seneca

Age is only a number, a cipher for the records.  A man can't retire his experience.  He must use it. --Bernard Baruch

A gold watch is the most appropriate gift for retirement, as its recipients have given up so many of their golden hours in a lifetime of service. --Harry Mahtar

Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering. --Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A.A. Milne

Retire from work, but not from life. --M.K. Soni

Sometimes it's important to work for that pot of gold.  But other times it's essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow. --Douglas Pagels, These Are the Gifts I'd Like to Give to You

There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. --Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work.  So I do it three or four times a day. --Gene Perret

In retirement, every day is Boss Day and every day is Employee Appreciation Day. --Anonymous

Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas.  The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. --Jonathan Clements

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous.  When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. --George Burns

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. --Author Unknown

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. --Herbert Asquith

Retirement is the ugliest word in the language. --Ernest Hemingway

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. --William Wordsworth

First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. --Branch Rickey

In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day.  It's either that or buy a new golf ball. --Gene Perret

Sometimes it's hard to tell if retirement is a reward for a lifetime of hard work or a punishment. --Anonymous

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. --Phyllis Diller

If you drink, don't drive.  Don't even putt. --Dean Martin

If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up. --Tommy Bolt

Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did. --Malcolm Forbes

Retirement:  That's when you return from work one day and say, "Hi, Honey, I'm home - forever." --Gene Perret